grammatically shy

sometimes i just wanna let out this mountain of emotion within my weary self. i wanna release every hurt, every pain, every insecurity and abandon it. as long as it's still there...residing in my heart, I cannot breathe deep, I cannot see clear, or think straight. i feel overwhelmed and unsure. my direction and compass breaks down...fades out of the picture that used to be clear. i want to run away...but my heartache would always appear on every side...I cannot escape what lives inside. it needs to be dissected out of me. freedom from within. liberty to control my thoughts, actions and my reactions. i want a change. a renovation. i keep losing...where can i find what i lost? the strength to speak from my heart. i need to decide who i am today. i wanna be love.

I Know

My sister, cousin and I wrote a song a few years ago for our album called "Closer to You", called "I Know". The lyrics to the chorus are

I know, I know that you are near
I'll cry to you so I may be right where you are
I know, I know that you're not far
I'll reach for you just like the tree stretches for the sun

bridge:

Your rays of love
Your rays of peace
Your rays of hope
are getting through to me

Like so many Christian songs, this song can easily be taken as a light, fun, pop/contemporary song. However, the words "I Know" can speak volumes to someone who is facing circumstances of uncertainty, confusion and an underlying fear of the unknown. Worry can easily creep into our lives, and suck the life right out of us. It has a tendency to take up residence inside of us and can begin to dictate our every thought, action and even our attitude toward everything. To say the words "I know"...is to speak out in faith. You know, but you don't know. You don't know what you don't know. The mystery of the unknown should drive us toward realizing what we do know. We can rest assured and find peace in knowing God loves each one of us. His love flows endlessly, and freely. The love of God has the ability to give us confidence in the future. Don't let the bad outweigh the good in your life. Depend on the loving kindness of God, daily. He is faithful to complete a good work in each one of us. So, today, you might have had the whole world seemingly working against you in every way possible, but know this: God is bigger, better, and stronger. His goal is to see you succeed and to enjoy every minute. To have a peace in knowing that you'll be ok, no matter what...not only empowers you to strive for the best, but it grants you more time as opposed to worry. Worry can waste a lifetime.

Phil. 4:6-8 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

Live your life to the fullest...and remember what you DO know. God is there, whether you invited him or not.

Everything is falling to peices.

It's a bright sunny day, and I am feeling so sad and lonely. So many unexpected circumstances...so many unknowns...so much confusion. I don't need answers, I just need peace. I want peace more than anything. My mind is going a mile a minute...trying to think through everything...but it's no use. This is just one of those days...one of those times. I will get through this, though.

Naivety

Here is what I know:

- I am responsible for my own life
- I make my own choices based on various factors, many of which have to do with goals, morals, well-being, and an overall responsibility to live the best way I know how.
- I am loved by a few if not several fellow human beings, some of which are family.
- Those loving human beings tend to have an opinion and sometimes a say in some of my choices, therefore my future.
- There is no human who knows best.
- God knows best.
- I can only know God's best by acquiring information about who He is.
- The Bible lends itself to my inquiring mind and search for God facts.
- If a fellow human suggests I delve deeper into something(s) that contradicts advice from this helpful reading material, the Bible, I am forced to make a choice.
- I decide to follow the One who knows me, knows humans, knows the now, knows the later, knows best. The One who is perfection, is love, is grace, is forgiveness, is gentleness, is faithfulness, is looking out for me 24-7.

This reasoning has nothing to do with religion, or even faith...more just reason and common sense. So many question Why? And I say, why not? I don't think I'm naive, I think I am intelligent enough to avoid the world's traps and schemes, in order to survive to the best of my ability. I choose physical, mental, and spiritual health. That's important to me.

Don't let anyone convince you that your lifestyle isn't how it ought to be, if you know you are seeking the truth above everything else. If you're holding close to the Word of Life you are holding onto Truth.